Caring for Kerry

Let's start with the core of who I am. I have a high IQ, a passion for creativity in all it's forms, and I have ADHD. Diagnosed at 52 my life suddenly made sense. I can't be forced to do anything, even if it's something I actually want to do, my brain doesn't function that way. If I love something I will immerse myself in it 100% to the point of obsession, it I don't, I won't even attempt it. I forget things, I often say whatever pops into my head regardless of whether I should. I can't bear to skirt around issues, just be direct, just say what you have to say without dressing it up in a ribbon. I know that I can appear stubborn however, I'm actually very easy going, I just have to do things my way, they may not be the right way, or the quickest way but my brain knows what it's doing and doesn't respond well to being questioned. I am medicated for anxiety, anxiety that has been created by living my life as a square peg in a round hole. I'm just me, I can't be anyone else, I know because I've tried. I'm funny, I'm creative and I don't take myself too seriously. I like to be left to my own devices, to create my own timetable and when I'm overwhelmed I like to retreat, so I'm best left alone to do things my way and in my own time. Oh and but don't trust me to go shopping, I once went out for deodorant and came back with a rowing machine, and no, I've never used it.

Personal Care

I prefer a shower and I don't want to spend too long in there, get in, get washed, get out. Life is too short to waste it in a shower. I am quite self conscious so please be patient and warn me before delivery care that I might find embarrassing. I've never been too high maintenance when it comes to appearance, I prefer comfort over fashion. I love the smell of coconut toiletries and my favourite perfume is Chanel Allure. Please look after my skin, cleanse and moisturise daily, take care of any grey hair and please don't let me grow a beard.

Sleeping Patten

I am nocturnal, I always have been. I am not an early riser or a morning person. I take a while to come round in the morning. I love nothing more than to wake up late and potter about. I like to be in bed at a reasonable time but don't expect me to fall asleep before midnight. I always take a coffee to bed, caffeine affects people with ADHD very differently from you neurotypicals, I can't sleep without it. Strong, milky, 2 sugars and not instant please. If you could bring coffee, help me into bed, put one of my favourite shows on and leave me to it. I'll fall asleep when the time is right.

Food

I am not fussy about the types of food that I eat but I don't like tomatoes, peas, celery or dried fruit, and please do not put gravy on my roast dinner, I hate soggy food. I have issues around the textures of food and have to balance soft food with something crunchy. I like to eat my dinner with any sauce on the side. My family have always laughed at the way I eat a meal, I have a little bit of everything on the fork, the perfect bite. If I run out of one component of the meal I will stop eating, and I have mint jelly with my roast dinner, regardless of the meat being served. Jelly, not sauce, I hate mint sauce.

For breakfast I'm happy with toast and smooth peanut butter, I don't have butter on my toast unless I'm having marmite and then it has to be butter, not a yellow spread that is pretending to be butter. You might not believe it's not butter, buy I do.

My Room

My ADHD affects my life in many wonderful ways and one of these is object permanence. This basically means that if I can't see it, it doesn't exist. This obviously does not apply to people or places but if I buy a new blouse and put it away, it's gone until I discover it again many months later when looking for something else, by which time it probably doesn't fit me any more. I need my room to reflect my personality. I like things to be clean but I also like to have my things around me.

I like white walls and white bedding, keeping everything very neutral makes the things that I love stand out.

Hobbies

People with ADHD have a new hobby every week and when I say hobby, I mean obsession. I once bought a dolls house that I spotted in a charity shop window on my way home from a hen party, I spent a month making miniature food, furniture and fixtures, and researching techniques, I finished the bathroom and never touched it again. I love painting, cake decorating, card making, writing poetry, writing stories, decorating, upcycling, jewellery designing, I love to sing, and I once dabbled with stand-up comedy. I started learning Spanish at 54, did a psychology degree at 47 through the open university and I have run the London Marathon twice. I love a quiz, I'd be delighted to ruin your ears with my singing at karaoke nights, and I'll be the first to arrive at a cheese and wine evening. Welcome to the world of ADHD.

Relaxation

The things that most people find relaxing, I am not a fan of. If you are trying to help me to unwind please do not suggest meditation, I can't clear my mind. I've tried and failed, so please don't ask me. I hate anything that I have to sit still for and that I am not in control of. I relax when left alone, I love to read or listen to audio books, I don't mind doing a jigsaw puzzle or maybe even playing a game of cards. I'm probably most relaxed when watching TV, quite often watching the same show on a loop, this may not be a care home's idea of an activity and I'm sure someone will tell you to try and mix things up for me but it's what I like to do. Watching the same show on a loop means that I don't have to concentrate and can always catch up when my mind wanders off.

What I Love to Watch

There are certain programmes that I love and can watch over and over again and never get bored. They relax my mind and make me feel secure. I don't have to concentrate which is perfect for someone like me who has the attention span of a gnat. Do gnats even have attention spans? I'll have to Google that. I've added links to my favourite shows, please put one of these on in the background and I'll be happy.

Birds of a Feather

If I can hear Sharon and Tracey arguing in the background, everything is OK with the world.

Goodnight Sweetheart

Phoebe reminds me of my Nan, I feel connected to my grandparents watching this show, plus I am fascinated by time travel, maybe it's possible by now, if it is please organise a trip to the 60s. Thank you

Dinnerladies

Victoria Wood was a comic genius and Dinnerladies makes me smile, no matter how many times I watch it.

Vicar of Dibley

I always thought it must be lovely to be a vicar, live in a little cottage and live on chocolate. I'm not religious so I live this life vicariously through Dawn French.

Billy Connelly

This man is hilarious and watching him will always make me smile and remind me of happy family times.

Only Fools and Horses

When my daughter wouldn't sleep, I watched this on a loop throughout the night. I cried when they became millionaires and I don't cry at anything.

My Favourite Music

I have an eclectic music taste, some songs make me happy, some sad but sad isn't always a bad thing, it's good to feel, to remember, to connect with the past. The past is who we are. I like to listen to music but I find it stressful to have a conversation over it. Please pause it if you want to talk to me. Here are some links to my favourites.

The Beatles

My parents loved the Beatles, my kids do too. If you were to ask anyone who knows me to name my favourite band, they would say The Beatles. John was my favourite but don't tell the others.

Barenaked Ladies

I discovered this band in 1998 and I have followed them ever since. I've seen them in concert whenever they visit the UK.

Meatloaf

Music that brings back such fond memories. I saw Meatloaf in concert, he was fabulous.

Queen

My family loved Queen, my dad would always have them playing in the car. Happy times.

Tell Me on a Sunday

My Mum bought this album in the early 80s and I fell in love with it. A strange choice for an 11 year old really but I shared it with my children, my daughters love it, my son, not so much.

Elton John

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road is my favourite Elton John album but I love everything he's ever done.

And in the end...

the love you take is equal to the love you make

I don't want a fuss, if you know the end is near, I'd like red roses in my room, I'd like the room to smell of coconut and if the season is right, place some green tomatoes on the window sill. Play the Beatles and make sure that my children are there to hold my hand.